Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Infinite dreams, I can’t deny them,
Infinity is hard to comprehend.
I couldn’t hear those screams,
Even in my wildest dreams


Did I ever mention I'm easily agitated nowadays? Case in point: Last Monday, I was "working" in the Free Access Lab from 6-10. Basically my job is just to shut down all the computers when 945 comes around and well, nothing else really. I actually bothered doing tutorials during that time. I was focused and even serious about it. Then some year 1 arsewipes decided to barge in the lab and make a hell lot of noise. 6-10 pms are usually the time when it is most quiet in the lab, as all the hellraisers are raising hell outside of school. But this irritating group of year 1 idiots, who still study the shit subject POM, spoilt the serenity of the lab. I might not have felt so strongly about assholes like these 1 or 2 years back but in the time that they were in the lab, I had a very strong urge to just whack them.....And I did. I'll leave the details out.

Anger and my inability to control it will only lead to my destruction. After all a cool head is able to solve more problems than a clouded one ever can. I think its just a phase though and it'll pass soon enough.

School's never been more monotonous. Once again, I rant on and on about the 6 freaking "marketing" modules we've been made to take. You know the worst lecture of all? Its gotta be that Marketing Research lecture by Pang Ching Chong or PCC in short. Its damn dull, he just reads from the slides and after the first lecture, I made it a point to self study for that subject and never attend another of his lecture, lest I lose all faith in the subject itself. I heard he's actually not that bad during tutorials. Frankly, I doubt it.

Hey you know what? I realise I'm quite a negative person nowadays eh. Just a reflection of my current mood of boredom I guess. I need something new in my life! To spice things up. To make me look forward to waking up in the morning. Hmm.......

Oh, and to answer some people, the pills I'm talking about in the last post are sleeping pills. I'm quite dependent on them to get some zzzzz. Started taking them quite some time ago actually but forcing myself to cut down nowadays. And also, no, i'm not in any serious relationship right now. Vanessa has got her own life to lead so stop bugging me to bug her. I'm just keeping my options open for now alright?

Well thats all for today. I leave you with the Video of "Don't Cry" by Gun's N Roses. Classic and superbly sublime rock ballad. What can I say, they do after all have the best rock guitarist(in my opinion) in the world, in terms of guitar techniques and skill as well as personality and style. SLASH!

Enjoy the vid......the lyrics are cool too...

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

If there was one
Just one wish
That could be granted
What would i wish for?


The past weekend proved interesting to us soccer fanatics, as it more or less concluded the EPL season with the crowning of Man Utd as the champions. It was a weekend where the color of passion, RED, beat the color of serenity, blue. When the blue half of Manchester failed to stop the red half, it was up to the blue half of London(Chelsea) to beat the Red half and pride of london(Arsenal). Sadly, for the blues, it was not to be for them. Still, kudos to both teams for making the title race this season that much more interesting than the previous 2 seasons. Unfortunately for both of them, this will be the last time they're ever going to win the title cause Arsenal gonna sweep the competition away in the following years to come. So enjoy it while it lasts suckers!

Speaking of which, I played for the Gooners Fc again last Sunday. At a public field outside Fernvale Primary School. Fernvale. Never heard of it? Its actually a LRT stop. Still doesn't ring any bells? FER-N-VA-LE! Its near Sengkang. No? Nothing comes to mind? Well I don't blame you for not knowing where this isolated place is. In fact, the next 3 LRT stops after Fernvale is not even open(Thangamm,Farmway and Cheng Lim-->wtf LRT names are these?). To me it was like a little town, all by its own seperated from Singapore with a modest population of maybe around 67. Just goes to show you that despite how small we are compared to the rest of the world, we just aren't as small as they/we think.

Its actually a great place in the evening, cooling, with not much infrastructure to speak of and little or no traffic at all. A good place to go kite flying or have a picnic under the stars or something like that. Or just to walk around the area with your other half in the night, then surprising her with a bouquet of flowers you hid at a predestined spot and feeding her chocolates under the stars. Blah blah blah, seems like its the same thing I say everytime. It has no meaning to any but one. So just ignore this last paragraph.

For the record, we won the match 2-0. I love winnning.

The appeal of school is lost, where I'm locked in my own world, drifting in and out of tutorials and lectures like a phantom, just getting through this last phase of poly life. My enthusiasm for school is at an all time low. Marks aren't important to me anymore, thanks to the abominable marking system of TEP. Even if I score all distinctions this semester, where can it bring my GPA up to? I'm looking to start a new career path actually, I think business ain't the right path for me. All along I wanted to be in Mass Communication but the closest I ever got to it was through Vanessa. After my poly life I'll most probably get into that industry though, and work my way up. After all, I know I have the talent, and I certainly have the passion for it.

Well soccer tomorrow as usual. Today Sebastian asked me why I didn't arrange any matches for my own team anymore. Wanted to tell him "cause we suck worse than Leeds Utd" but then Melvin was around so I just used him and his "permanent" ankle injury as an excuse.

Time to get some precious sleep. Haven't been sleeping well lately. I need my pills to sleep or I'll get too restless. But trying to kick the addiction is harder than expected. Mind over matter though......whether I think can or I can't, I'm right.

Its hard to take it all in. For all the time we spent together means nothing now. Its truly over.

If we become memories
Even memoires cannot contend
With the warmth from your side
So a wistful sigh unerringly welled forth
May it take flight and go so far that it reaches you

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Passion, the one thing needed if you wish to have any measure of success. What is talent without passion driving it on? So screw the people who are half hearted. Acting like a prima donna, coming only for the games and totally neglecting the fucking fact that without training, without the understanding, the game of soccer cannot be played. The world's top soccer stars can gather for a game but they will be no match for a TEAM. Individual skills can only get you so far in a game meant for 11 people. I've had enough of this shit. Organising all this shit every time is a waste of my SMS and a fucking waste of my time. People who don't even bother to fucking reply a simple fucking YES or NO but leave it hanging in the air. I'm no sucker, i'm not going to do all the dirty work just for you jackasses to make it dirtier and harder for me.

Its time for a new start, hopefully a new team with the Gooners Fc. There's nothing better than to know that I'm playing for a team representing the football club which I support. It just gives me that extra edge to put in that extra 10 or 20 percent when I play and even when my lungs are bursting and my legs are hurting, I just go on till finally, the restraints of the human body catches up. Still, its fucking cool to be able to play a game with a organised team, a team which shares the same passion for both the game and the club. There's going to be another game with them this Sunday, I just can't wait for it and I'm going to train myself up for it.

I think I'm a bit hot headed these days. Where I used to merely smile and get on with life when things did not go my way, I now face it head on and let my anger get the best of me. I'm losing my patience. With a lot of things. I'm just waiting, waiting for the right time to finally unleash all the pent-up fury in me on some poor unsuspecting fool who crosses me. Actually I have no idea why I'm like this nowadays, I guess the line has been crossed, where my patience has just run out. I'm trying my best to control, to keep my cool and sanity so that it won't get me into any sort of trouble. Ahh...whatever man.

School has started. What do I feel about it? Nothing actually. I'll just treat it like its TEP all over again and won't give much thought about it.

Well thats about all.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself

Damn it, I think I've come down with a cold. At a very inconvenient time I might add, seeing as I have a soccer game this Sunday. It came about from the swimming on Wednesday where I'm sure some f***ing inconsiderate cunt must have gone into the pool while he/she was sick and spread the virus to me and a few other unsuspecting people using the pool. Nonetheless I picked myself up for a jog yesterday and the fresh morning sure did me some good. Nothing like smelling the fresh morning air, the smell of the raw grass oh so sweet.........

Nonetheless, I hope I'll be ok by Sunday.........and that it won't bloody rain.

Speaking of rain, anyone noticed that normally, this isn't the time for Singapore to rain? That it should be sunny and bright and very very hot? No? Global Warming my friends, global freaking warming. The climates all gone really crazy, crazier than a homophobic left alone in a New Urban Male store. So lets all do our part to stop hurting our environment, after all, you only get what you give so if you give mother nature shit, then mother nature's gonna shit back on you.......liquified shit guised in the form of rain.

Anyway big news in the form of the Virginia tech shooting. I'm not gonna delve into the incidents and how it happened. For me, this incident served to only highlight 2 important points.

The 1st point would be the freedom to bear arms which America gives to its citizens. I mean, what kind of ruling is that? Guns are sold freely and without qualms to anybody on the street. Their logic? Buy guns to protect themselves. My logic? Ban guns from ordinary people on the street and you'll have much less to protect against.

Imagine the scenario: You are in an dark lonely alleyway in the night and a masked robber approaches you with a gun. Despite the fact that you deserve to be robbed blind for being in such a desolate area at such a time in the first place, you pull out a gun which you bought to defend yourself. He panics and shoots you. You panic and shoot him back. Both of you end up dead from excessive bleeding to the head and both your lifeless corpses are found 8 days later by a blind lady who smelt your rotting corpse from 5 blocks away. Up in heaven, god tells you that if you hadn't taken out the gun, you would have just lost the $50 in your wallet and a $45.50 imitation rolex watch instead of losing your life and the chance to see your grandson become the president of Microsoft. God then proceeds to send you to hell to burn for eternity because you killed that robber.

Now.........is that really what you want? Moral of the story, its useless to fight fire with fire. If you don't start the fire in the first place, then there won't be anything to fight now will there? Ban the f***ing guns for peace sake.

Next, I'll touch on the issues of EMO. Yes yes, its a popular trend to be very very Emotional nowadays. After all, mainstream media has made it such that being EMO is cool, all thanks to emo punk bands like Green Day. Details have emerged that the killer, a south korean american citizen was very disturbed, dark, didn't talk much and to put it in a nutshell, a depressed EMO kid. Details are also emerging that its because of a girl that made him crack and shoot all those innocent people. Well, you know what, I don't pity that Cho guy or something. In fact, f*** him. How bad was his life for you to murder so many people?

This EMO issue was tackled in the newspaper sometime back(where teens slash themselves etc.) and here's my thoughts on EMO-ness.

To the EMO people and teens out there.............Is your life as bad as it seems? Grow some eyes and ears, see and listen to how many people are dying from starvation and other diseases in the less privelaged countries. You think your life sucks? Guess what, 1/3 of the people in the world would gladly be in your shoes. Sure, life can get a little rough and confusing at times, and yes there are many things you wish you could change but lets face reality here people, if you can change your life and if you want to, you most probably already would have. But the fact is you can't so just live with it. You like to cut yourself? Here's an alternative, go to the blood donation centre and ask them to stick a f***ing needle in you. And you don't even have to clean up any blood cause there won't be a mess! If you think you're too ugly and have overlarge ears or overlarge chests(for men), you're probably right but still is that a reason for you to hate yourself and be depressed? Some people have perfect looking ears, but they are deaf and can't hear the melody of a piano or the energetic sounds of an electric guitar. So stop complaining about your life. There are tons of other people whose life are worse off. If you think your life has no meaning and have no direction, just get a copy of the newspaper and read about how in some other countries, both natural and man made disasters have REALLY torn people's life apart. Maybe then you'll think twice and stop complaining.

Ok I think this was a pretty long post. Mainly full of negative stuff though but hell those are facts man. So in view of that, I'll like to end this post with a short clip from one of my favourite comedies "Family Guy" just to lighten the mood of this post. Hope you enjoy it.

Hahaha do you think cows like it?


The wise man said just find your place
In the eye of the storm
Seek the roses along the way
Just beware of the Thorns
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close you're eyes and you will find
The way out of the dark

Monday, April 16, 2007

I can't explain my actions
And I didn't want to lie
Hurting you was never my intention
I didn't want any misunderstandings
I'm sorry
Truly I am
For what its worth,
This post is for you
You're still the sweetest......V


This is one of my all time favourite songs
Its a classic from phil collins
The tune, the melody and the lyrics are all melancholicly beautiful
Enjoy it.....


As I said....this post is for you
Forgive me soon eh!

Sunday, April 8, 2007

But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dreams are dying
Just hold tight...

Today I fufilled one of the goals which I set for myself. That is, to play mahjong with my Ah-Ma. From the day I was born, I constantly marvelled at the way my grandmother played, a mixture of quick thinking, keen observation and of course with that tinge of luck. 18 or so years later and she's a little slower, a little less alert but still just as lucky. As I had only recently learnt this game and was playing with people who had years and years of experience, coming out of the game with my wallet remaining the same was a miracle in itself. My aunty was the only one who lost and the only winner in the game was ("surprise surprise") my grandmother...........It was great to finally be able to have something which my grandmother and I can connect in. Language barriers(she speaks teochew, I only speak English) have severly restricted our topics of conversation and I don't really get to grow closer to my grandma. Though its only a game, it still is something which at least we have in common and can talk about the game itself.

Anyway, went to my very very adorable niece Jamie's birthday party. She's 1 years old!!!! The food there was very good, one of the best catered food I've eaten in a while. The cake was equally good. Jamie wasn't in a very good mood however, she was smiling and laughing when I got there but by the time I left, she was crying. Maybe she doesn't like crowds or she's too tired. Whatever it is, I just can't wait to be a father myself. I really think there's nothing better than starting a family and taking care of your children with the one you love.

ok........I think I'm being slightly sentimental today.

Is there such a thing as destiny? Are we all able to choose what we can become, or is it all pre-destined? This age old question, yet to be answered, and will go unanswered till the time you meet your creator. I however believe that we are all given choices and from there we "create" our destiny. For example, there's no such thing as "if fate allows it, we'll be together one day". That's a famous line for rejecting someone. If that person doesn't want to be with the rejected party, they can meet up everyday and there'll still be no relationship between the 2. Thats not fate, that's just the choice of the so called "rejectee". But nonetheless, we all should be thankful if there's no such thing as destiny. It would be sad to be destined for failure, and frankly it'll be unfair too. I feel sorry for the one who, no matter what he/she does, will fail. Even the handicapped, have a choice to live their life to the fullest, they can suceed, while many of us healthy beings fail. If there's such a thing as destiny, then the handicapped should be destined to fail right? After all, the purpose of the handicap is to hinder them and "stop" them from succeding.

Hope everything will turn out good for you. Just a reminder that i'm always here if you need me....just ask.

Ok, I'm rambling on and on. Will stop here for now.


But when the night is falling
And you cannot find a friend
If you feel your tree is breaking
Just bend...

Thursday, April 5, 2007



This is me.............

Saw it on Jen's blog, thought it was kinda cool and decided to try it.

Anyway......
Emrs Chalet is over
I had fun
I'm tired
I'm broke

I'm meeting Vanessa soon
So will update some other time......